When the Unthinkable Happens

No one wants to imagine it. But churches must prepare for the day when a member or child confides that they’ve been abused—perhaps by someone in their own family, or even within the church community. The topic of sexual abuse is difficult, emotionally charged, and sadly, often misunderstood or ignored. Yet if the church is to be a place of light and truth, then we must not only be willing to face the reality of abuse—we must be equipped to respond wisely and biblically when it occurs.

The Problem of Silence and Surprise

Too often, when abuse is disclosed, churches are caught off guard. Leaders are unsure what to do. Members may instinctively retreat into silence. There’s confusion about what the law requires. People wonder whether to believe the victim, how to protect the vulnerable, and what the gospel requires of us in such moments. Tragically, some churches have erred in two opposite directions. On one side is complacency—assuming that because we are a church, these things won’t happen here, or shouldn’t be talked about. On the other is cynicism—believing that no one can be trusted, and therefore retreating into suspicion and paralysis. Neither is faithful. The gospel calls us to a better way: a way of courage, clarity, compassion, and hope.

Facing the Facts

Sexual abuse does happen in church settings. Sometimes it’s within families. Sometimes it’s between youth group members. Sometimes it’s by someone in leadership. While this is sobering, it should not lead us to despair. It should lead us to wise preparation and grace-filled response.

Here are a few key truths to remember:

•             Abuse thrives in silence. When churches are unclear, unprepared, or unwilling to speak, abusers find cover. Victims stay silent. Pain festers in the dark.

•             Abuse wounds deeply. Even after the act is over, survivors often carry long-term spiritual, emotional, and relational trauma.

•             Abuse can be addressed. When the church prepares well, responds swiftly, and shepherds faithfully, abuse can be exposed and its effects can begin to heal.

What Every Church Member Should Know

Whether you’re a leader or a layperson, here are several vital things to keep in mind:

1.          You don’t need to be an expert to care well.
If someone discloses abuse to you, don’t try to investigate or fix it. Start by listening calmly, expressing belief, and affirming that they did the right thing by speaking up.

2.          Know when and how to report.
In every U.S. state, certain people—especially those who work with children—are legally required to report suspected abuse to authorities. If a child or a developmentally disabled person is involved, and there is any reasonable suspicion of abuse, call your local child protection agency or law enforcement immediately. Err on the side of protecting the vulnerable.

3.          Don’t promise secrecy.
Abuse is not a matter for private reconciliation or quiet prayer alone. It must be brought into the light so that justice and healing can begin.

4.          Churches must have a plan before it happens.
Your church should have clear expectations for who serves with children or teens, what behaviors are appropriate, and how to respond to signs or disclosures of abuse. If your church hasn’t done this yet, start now. Prevention is an act of love.

5.          Healing takes time—and biblical care.
Victims of abuse often need extended care. That care should be grounded in biblical truth, not humanistic psychology. Churches should raise up and train people who can offer biblical discipling —offering comfort, wisdom, and guidance based on the hope of the gospel.

6.          The whole church has a role.
Abuse is not only a private matter. It affects the body. A faithful church weeps with those who weep, protects the weak, and pursues righteousness even when it’s uncomfortable.

Moving Forward with Wisdom and Hope

We must acknowledge a hard truth: many churches have failed to respond faithfully when abuse occurred in their midst. But we don’t have to repeat that story. We can grow in discernment. We can prepare wisely. And most importantly, we can care for the wounded in a way that reflects the tender justice and mercy of Jesus. The way forward is not through panic, nor through denial. It is through faithful shepherding—grounded in Scripture, guided by love, and strengthened by the Spirit of God. Let’s be the kind of people who are ready to stand with the vulnerable, protect the innocent, and bring healing to the broken. If your church has not yet had this conversation, perhaps now is the time.

 

Tom Johnson